Things I am Thankful For

We should really think about this more often ya know?

In general we are so blessed and it's kinda sad that we only focus on it specifically for two months out of the year!

I'm thankful for...

the wonderful job that I have that provides a good wage, flexible hours and job security.

d/Deaf people! Without them I wouldn't have a job!

a beautiful home for myself and my "babies"! Even if it is half finished, it's ours! :)

my husband who supports me when I decide to go out of town to visit family when he can't join me over the holiday!

my two favorite cousins and aunt and uncle who are helping me celebrate my first Thanksgiving without my mom! Every event with them is a blast!

my dad who just plain supports me and loves me when it feels like my world is falling apart.

his new girlfriend. Even though it's difficult to have a new woman in his life, I'm glad it's her!

the AMAZING memories my mother and I built together that pop into my mind randomly while I'm commuting to work or going to sleep at night.

friends that even when I disappear for months at a time, still love me and accept me.

my husband's family. We've been through so much together! It's created a bond I didn't think we'd ever have.

all the babies that have been brought into this world and my life over the past few years.

the hope that one day Cary and I will have one of our own.

Grace!

Those are only a smidgen of the things I'm thankful for, but it feels good to put them out there!

What are you thankful for?

Gluten sucks!

That title is misleading as I truly feel Gluten is AMAZING! I am a bread lover! I always have been! One of my favorite memories of our honeymoon in Jamaica was in the morning we'd go down to breakfast right on the water and our server would bring us Jamaican Blue coffee. Normally I drink mine black but Jamaican Blue requires cream and it becomes truly decadent. The only think that makes it even more decadent? Pairing it with a chocolate croissant!

About 2 years ago I had a blood test done to see if I have Celiac Disease. In a nut shell, that would mean my body does not tolerate wheat, barley or rye. The test came back negative but the doctor told me I could try a gluten free diet if I wanted to. "Screw that!" I thought, "If I can have gluten I'm not going to deprive myself of it!" Fast forward two years...

Upon careful examination of my heath(or lack thereof) in relation to food, as well as some research through google and the good old fashioned Library hunt, I have come to realize that I don't give a RATS BEHIND what the tests say! I'm gluten intolerant! Every time I eat something that is gluten dense I'm either in the bathroom or have to take a nap! I get sick so often that my husband figured out I am ill for approximately 3 months a year. That's a QUARTER of my life!

So, once I realized this I decided to give myself some time to stock my pantry and learn a bit more about how to replace the gluten-full foods I eat with gluten-free varieties. I chose a start date for my G-Free living of Jan 1st 2010. I figured that way I could go through the entire holiday season eating my favorites one last time.

Then today I polished off 8 slices of bread with cheese and and apple and I'm ready to rip my insides out! I'M DONE! No more gluten for me! It's not worth it! I love my yummy holiday treats,(in fact my husband is begging for pumpkin rolls that I can't eat) but I don't want to feel like this anymore! This is no way to live my life! Not quite well, but not quite sick...who wants that? Not me!

The sad part is, I used to think that people who didn't eat gluten were crazy! I thought they were just on some mad quest to live forever, but now I realize, most of them are just trying to live like "normal" people. SO you can think we're crazy and fanatical and need to get a life but until you've had this kind of pain you can't possibly understand!

So call me crazy! It wouldn't be the first time :)

Stay at Home moms really do more than you think!

So there has been a lot of controversy lately about stay at home moms, working moms and full time moms. In fact my cousin Beth recently POSTED a well written rant on Facebook exclaiming:

"I object to the term "Full time mom" used synonymously with "Stay at home mom." Certainly, a SAHM is also a FTM but so are working moms. No one accuses working dads of being "part time dads." ...When I am working, I am providing food, health care, education, and a warm home for my son... okay, just had to get that off my chest :)"

Well said Beth!

A few weeks ago my friend Robin posted this article on Facebook and I feel it is important for everyone who doesn't have children to read! My husband is one of those people who doesn't yet understand what stay-at-home moms do. Hopefully this will help him and everyone else understand.

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Sometimes your plans don't turn out the way you thought...

So, when I was in junior high my best friend Jaclyn and I used to talk about how we weren't going to get married until we were at least 28 years old. We wouldn't be dependent on men and we weren't going to be slowed down by children. In fact I said that I would NEVER have children. I had dreams of a hugely successful career making tons of money, paying for my parent's condo in Florida, buying new boobs, traveling whenever I felt like it and laughing at the sexual advances of men who recognized that I was the definition of "a catch".

Everything took a turn when I met this guy who stole my heart. During the first year of dating I realized those "dreams" I had when I was young didn't necessarily promise happiness. I decided not to pursue a high powered career, instead I chose the random path of sign language interpreting. This career would provide more flexibility to start a family.

Sometimes those young dreams float back to the surface and I find myself fighting the urge to go back to those earthly desires. But then I think about my future babies and the joy they will bring to our lives. I picture the big smiles on the faces of my family as they watch first smiles, first steps and hear first words.

I saw this quote on a blog that I frequent Passionate Homemaking and it made me kind of teary(what doesn't these days?). It sums up how I feel about old dreams and new reality.

“She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be…
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye and questioned reproachfully;

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?
The career, the splendid fame, and all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height with all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you and the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad for I wanted her please with me…
This slender girl from the shadowy past the girl that I used to be
So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay innocent, sweet, and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls for the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl I used to be.

- Author Unknown

I'm BAAAAAAACK!

I know it's been forever but I finally feel like I can blog again!

A common problem I have, is that I expect too much from myself. I see what other people do around me and expect to be able to do the same!

The problem is, I'm not in a position to do it all and have it all! I just don't give myself a break sometimes.
I expect myself to work 40 hours a week(not including travel time), plan meals for every night so we don't rely on take-out and blow our budget, cook these meals even when I arrive home at 9pm at night, keep my house spotless, and have enough energy for my husband my animals, my friends and my dad. It's not possible to do it all, all the time, and yet I get down on myself when I fail quite often!

My newest thing is, I expect myself to be over the whole grieving process after losing my mother in May 2009. My mom was my best friend and I sometimes think that I realized it too late. I think about her everyday and remember her in the simplest things. (She LOVED candy corn and it's everywhere right now!)

For the last few months or so, I have had no interest in seeing my friends. I have no interest in what is going on in their lives or how they're doing. Essentially, I'm being a "bad friend".
My family, on the other hand, I cling to like I've never clung (is that a word?) to before. This is strange to me because I've never really been a "family-type-person" I've always relied on my friends to get me through the hard times.

So, I don't understand myself during this season of life and I've been giving myself this whole guilt trip when in actuality I should just let myself grieve!

And now for the lame part...

I came to this realization after watching Grey's Anatomy last week. The show always has a voice over that sort of speaks a bit of wisdom about what is going on during that particular episode. This week it was on grief and it really struck me! So I'm going to share it because as lame as it is that a tv drama helped me come to the realization that I have to give in and let myself grieve, I would be remiss not to share it because what if it helps someone else? So here it is:

The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we’re taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.
Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change.
And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive.
By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.
Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it.
The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
And let it go when we can.
The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again.
And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.


So, I realize now that even though I thought I had already accepted things the way they are, my grief kind of started over again and I'm back at depression. Things are definitely getting better, don't get me wrong, but I'm having a hard time realizing that I'm not in the final stage of grief where I think I should be.

So to my friends, thank you for all your love, support and understanding. To my family, thank you for letting my hold on to you as tight as I possibly can right now.
Here's hoping I can just accept this stage of life, do the best I can and know that it's good enough for now!

NO! I don't know braille!

In preparation for tomorrows MMM(W) I should explain for those of you who don't know, exactly what I do.

I'm a sign language interpreter for the d/Deaf. One of the most common responses when I tell people this is "OH, so you know braille!?" No, why would I know braille if I work with d/Deaf people? They can see moron! They can't HEAR!

Currently I'm working for a video relay company. Video relay is basically when a d/Deaf person wants to make a phone call, they call the relay service and pop up on my computer screen. I can see them and they can see me (think skype but clearer) they tell me who they want to call and I make the call for them. They sign and I tell the person they are calling what exactly they are saying. I speak in 1st person so I talk like this "Hey it's Susan how are you? No I don't know braille because I'm deaf and can see!" My friend Katey once said this about our career: "We are bridge-builders. We are gap-fillers. We are people-uniters." It is one of the most eloquent and beautiful ways to describe exactly what we do!

I just want to take this time to say I LOVE MY JOB! Better yet, I work with a bunch of people who also LOVE THEIR JOBS! A wise person once said "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life!" This is only partially true because trust me, what I do is HARD WORK! I have difficult days and fun days and easy days. I'm constantly challenged and can't believe how blessed I am to have the ability and the passion to do this every day.

You'll understand why I explained all this tomorrow! In the meantime I leave you with this:


NO I DON'T FRIGGIN' KNOW BRAILLE!

Confucius say it takes many nails to build crib....

but only one screw to fill it!

Don't worry, in about 5 minutes, you'll get it!

I know it's supposed to be Magnificent Mommy Monday, but I'm exhausted and just realized it's Monday night. So, MMM will be postponed until Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll even have pictures!

Happy Monday night!

Rinnie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

So last week was one of the worst.

You see, somehow we are making about the same amount of money and spending about the same amount of money but don't have enough to pay all our bills the way we did before. I attribute this to the fact that I've been working again. I know it sounds strange but check it out...

When I wasn't working, I stayed home. In fact for awhile, if I needed to go somewhere I would drive DH to work and use only one vehicle that day. I started working which means I drive about 60 miles 2-4 times a week. I haven't been paid yet because I just went back. So I'm assuming it is due to the gas expenses that there just seems to be no money now.

We're so short on cash that we don't even have our emergency fund anymore(for more info on this go here). SO, when Tuesday rolled around and I looked at the bank account I realized I didn't even have enough money to get to work on Wednesday.

Now if this has never happened to you, I am so thankful! I don't think anyone should have to feel like that. It's a terrible feeling! You feel this mixture of worthlessness, panic, pain, fear and guilt all wrapped into one.

I wound up doing something I HATE to do.....no I didn't charge it on a credit card! (we don't do that anymore) I called my Dad. I called him and tried to sound normal.

Me: "Hey dad"
Dad: "Hey peanut how are ya?"
Me: "Not great dad."
Dad: "What's wrong?"
Me: "I need to borrow some money."
Dad: "Ok, how much?"
Me: "Not much, just enough to get to work tomorrow and I can pay you back on Thursday." (At this point I'm welling up. How embarrassing is it to have to ask your dad for money?)
Dad: "So, like $50?"
Me: "Thanks, that's more than enough."
Dad: "Sweetie?"
Me: "mmmhmm?"
Dad: "Are you completely out of money?"
Me: *Commence the 6 year old whiny crying voice* "YES! I'm sorry dad, I don't know what happened! I thought we had enough to last till Thursday but..."


Dad took care of it. He gave me some money to get me to work the next day, as well as some more to help us along. He didn't loan it to us like I had asked. It was a gift. He did make the joke that one day when I'm wiping the drool from his chin that will be the payback!

I knew I could call my daddy and he would bail me out but I rarely do that! It's a pride thing. I just muster through until pay day. This week I couldn't do that so I gave in.

So I drove to work the next day and my van broke down about an hour from home. Thankfully dad had given me that money because I never would have been able to afford the 50 mile tow without it. So the money that was supposed to help us get ahead has now been used for the tow and will be used to hopefully fix whatever is wrong with my van. Back to square one.

It's ok though. We are well taken care of and we only have to worry about ourselves. No one is dependent on us. I can't imagine if it was the same situation and we couldn't afford diapers or formula, or (heaven forbid) for our sick baby to go to the doctor.

This is happening everyday in our community as well as all over the nation. I'm hoping they're not allowing their pride to prevent them from asking for help.

Magnificent Mommy Monday (the Daddy version)

So, I know I said I was planning to feature a magnificent mommy every monday but a daddy stole my heart yesterday with a letter to his unborn child. So, with his permission I decided to share it with you all! It truly is beautiful and something I hope to do for my babies someday.

This letter is from my friend Nate. He and his gorgeous wife Ema (who is in fact a magnificent mommy) have a beautiful 2 year old girl named Nora. This is one sweet family! My husband has known Nate since they were in middle school (I think). He is also the head pastor of a new church plant, that we will be attending.



Dear Baby Loucks,
Let me start off by saying, “I love you.” From the moment your mother told me that you were to be, I’ve loved you. We’re nearly 6 months from your out-of-womb arrival and you already fill my thoughts. Your sister, Nora, does as well.

It’s not that I’m obsessed with you in that fatherly overbearing way (though I’d put money on me being overbearing eventually). It’s more that I believe in you and your potential. I often find myself dreaming about what you will be and how you will be it. Will you be a doctor? Perhaps an English professor? An accountant? A garbage truck driver? Will you be compassionate? Daring? Funny? Quite frankly, I’m still in the stage wondering if you’re going to be a boy or girl (for the record, mommy thinks you’re going to be a girl and I think you’re going to be a boy. Your mommy is usually right about… well… most things.) Whatever it is that you will become, I believe in you. I will be your biggest fan, your greatest ally, and your best encourager. I’m your dad and I love you.

Though you’re roughly the size of a lime, I’ve read that your head comprises nearly half your total size. Proportionately, you’ll never have a better brain-to-body ratio even as a big-headed Loucks child. So, let me give you some simple advice as your cognitive development furthers. It’s good to know these things now and expect a quiz on March 19th.

Your mother is the most important person in my life. I love her like no other. Without question, you’ve hit the jackpot in the baby lottery. You’ve got a tremendous mommy. She will love you well. And, even though you’re killing her with whatever is causing the nausea, she will forget about it the moment she sees you. You, me, and Nora are her life. She loves like a mommy should love.

Your sister is the first born; expect first born tendencies. She will surely know what’s best for you even better than you know for yourself. She will likely give you advice. It’s the duty of the oldest sibling. There’s no doubt in my mind that you will be her baby. We love Nora. She will be our one and only first born child. As a father, there’s nothing that I would like more for you two than to love each other well. One day your mom and I will be gone and it’s been my experience that your siblings are your best connection to who you were, who you are, and who you’re going to be.

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you about what consumes my prayers. I pray that you will be a strong, courageous, God-loving, justice-seeking, peace-filled, compassionate boy/girl that knows that they are meant for amazing things. It’s a privilege to be your dad. March 19th, come quick!

Always know that daddy loves you.

– Your dad

So, this is the kind of passion for our unborn/unconcieved child that we lack as a couple. I'm not ashamed to say it. There are just so many other things going on in our lives right now. It saddens me, but this sweet letter was a reminder that we truly aren't ready. Nate and Ema however are totally ready to meet their new family member! Congratulations Loucks family!

You can read more of Nate's musings here.

Breast feeding drama

Breast-feeding mother asked to leave Olive Garden
Woman refused to take baby to rest room

Deborah Sederberg
The News-Dispatch

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


MICHIGAN CITY - The mother of an 11-month-old baby girl was asked to leave the local Olive Garden restaurant after she refused to move to the restaurant's rest room to nurse the baby.
Margaret Naas, La Porte, mother of 11-month-old Katie, decided she might like some chicken Parmesan for lunch on Monday. After she ordered, Katie decided she was hungry as well.

"She wanted to nurse," Naas said. "It was 80 degrees out and I didn't have any blanket or cover with me," she added. Here is where her story breaks from the Olive Garden's spokesman's story. She said she lowered only one side of her halter top to nurse the baby.

Mark Jaronski, corporate spokesman for Darden Restaurants, which owns Olive Garden restaurants, said several other guests spoke to a local Olive Garden manager, complaining not about a mother nursing her baby but about what they saw as the mother's lack of modesty. Speaking from his office in Florida, Jaronski said he had been told Naas "had taken her halter top down and was completely exposed.

"Several guests asked the manager to speak to her," he said. Naas said the manager, a woman, was polite. "She said she wasn't speaking for herself but for others." The manager offered her the option of nursing her baby in the restaurant's rest room.

"That's disgusting," said Tammy Pray, a lactation counselor for WIC (Women, Infants, Children) a nutrition program for mothers and their young children funded by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. "Who would want to feed their children in a bathroom?" Pray asked.

Naas didn't want to feed Katie there. The Olive Garden Staff boxed up her lunch, she paid her tab of about $12, which included a soft drink, and left. Pray was the one who first brought the matter to the attention of The News-Dispatch. Naas said her intention was not to stir up trouble.

"My baby just wanted to nurse," Naas said.
According to the Indiana State Department of Health Web site, Indiana's breast feeding law says, "Not withstanding any other law, a woman may breast feed her child anywhere the woman has a right to be. Source: Indiana Code 16-35-6-1 Chapter 6, Sec. 7."


So I'm very PRO breastfeeding! I think it is a woman's right and it's good for the baby. Let's think about this a bit though. You're going to lunch, your 11-month old will probably want lunch around the same time. It's possible you will have to breast feed.

You have several options:
1) Pump before you go so you can give her a bottle instead of your boob.
2) Remember your blanket or wrap so you maintain modesty in public.
(I don't care if it's 80 degrees out! If you breastfeed, you might need it!)
3) Feed before or after you go into the restaurant.


Yes it's disgusting to have to breastfeed your baby in the bathroom! I feel bad for all parties involved though. That poor manager had to tell the woman that other people were uncomfortable with her actions which in turn made the woman uncomfortable. I have to ask the mothers out there, would you have dropped your
halter top in public with no blanket to nurse your 11 month old?

Magnificent Mommy Monday

I've decided that every Monday I will feature a magnificent mommy in my life.
Today that is Connecticut Mommy.

Connecticut Mommy sometimes makes me cookies when I don't feel well and need baked goods. I think this makes her a magnificent mommy, but there are other reasons too!

CM is a mother of 3 beautiful girls, ages 4, 2 and 4 months. When the 3rd girl was born I told CM's husband "You are in SOOOO screwed!" (I know I'm such a supportive friend!)
I'm pretty sure he already owns some kind of gun. If not, he'll be making that purchase before they turn 16.

The following entry was written Friday night:

Tonight CM's husband called and asked if I could watch the girls so that he and CM could go on a date. I imagine with that full house dates are few and far between. I didn't have anything going on, that's right, my social calendar was empty on a Friday night in August. My DH had to work so I figured what the heck! This would give me plenty of material for this blog! (Understatement!)



Within the first 20 minutes:

We sat down to eat pizza and the 4 year old insisted on changing her clothes! No big deal except it was a skirt that was missing the matching shirt which she made me hunt all over the house for! Turns out she knew exactly where it was!

While I was hunting the 2 year old spilled her juice all over the table, floor and her pizza. While I'm cleaning that up the 4 month old is crying. So I'm holding her, wiping up the mess, when she projectile vomits all over me, the floor and the 2 year old's pizza.

I think I would have freaked out a whole lot more if the 2 year old hadn't erupted in giggles and said "SHE PUKED ON YOU!" which got the 4 year old going, which in turn made me lighten up and laugh.

I'd like to say it was smooth sailing after that 20 minutes but it wasn't. You see I'm supposed to be the cool babysitter who came over to play with them. Cool Aunt Rinnie who disguises cleaning up as "rounding up all the puzzle pieces so we can do all the puzzles! Ready? GO!"

Sadly, the 4 monther thought I was there to hold her and rock her until she decided to stop crying. She cried, I swaddled, she stopped. VICTORY! 5 minutes later WAAAAAAHHH! Maybe she's wet? Yup! Once she was a dry baby I thought she'd be happy...WRONG!

2 year old comes in looking at me like "Quit pinching her!"

*Side Note: Have you noticed when you have a crying baby in public, EVERYBODY says that! "Quit pinching that baby!" It's like a way for strangers to bond with the frantic mother!*

I ask 2 year to be my super-duper helper and get the green blanket. I swaddle the 4 monther and she stops. PHEW! I walk into the girl's room to help with puzzles and you guessed it WAAAAHH! Maybe she's hungry? It's about a half hour before she's scheduled to eat but what else should I do?

CM being the amazing mother of 3 that she is, left me frozen breast milk that I just had to defrost and poor into a bottle. Easy enough right? Apparently I'm not fast enough for 4 monther. I'm holding her, she's still crying, while I'm running the frozen breast milk under hot water. Finally it's in liquid form and I try to get it into the bottle. Just as I'm about to pour it into the bottle, 4 monther shoots her arm out and smacks it out of my hand and all over the counter! More giggling from 4 and 2 year old but this time I'm not quite as amused.

I decide that in order to be efficient I have to put her down while I get everything together. I look in the freezer and thankfully there is another plastic bag of breast milk. I repeat the whole process, but much more carefully! I test the milk on my arm, perfect temperature. (I don't really know if it was perfect but it felt like the temperature it would be if it came from a boob)

I get 4 monther out of her seat and put the bottle to her mouth and.......she realizes "THAT'S NOT A BOOB!" and starts crying again. Meanwhile 2 and 4 year old are saying over and over again "Come help us do the puzzle!" I'm trying to explain that their sister isn't happy and I have to get her to eat but they lose interest, and continue whining. I feel their pain, I'd be bummed too if my awesome babysitter couldn't do puzzles with me because of my screaming sister! I'd be thinking "Yo, Sis! Take the freaking bottle so we can get down to some serious puzzle time!"

I would like to take this moment to thank my Sister-in-Law who just this week was explaining how you can swaddle a baby and hold them on their side to make them content. It looks scary, like she's going to DROP the baby! She did it in Olive Garden the other day and all I could think was "People are gonna call CPS", but that baby was perfectly content! Thanks sis!

I decided to try the whole side holding thing. Suddenly she was quiet. I leaned over to make sure she was still alive and breathing. Sure enough, she was! I didn't offer the bottle because I figured, why mess with a good thing. Then in all my childless wisdom I thought "She breast feeds on her side!" so I popped the bottle in her mouth and suddenly it was the best thing since real boob!

After awhile I got brave and sat down. She didn't drink as much as CM would've wanted, but she got some down! While drinking her bottle she fell asleep. I ever so carefully put her in her crib all snugly and backed slowly out the door of her room.

If it felt that good to get my friend's baby down for the night(or so I thought, she woke up about an hour after that) I can't imagine how fantastic that must feel EVERY night for CM!

CM has decided to be responsible for raising not 1 human to become a productive member of society, but 3! I was there for about 4 hours and I was losing my mind trying to figure out how I could make everyone happy and she does this all day everyday!

I learned this: You can't make everyone happy all the time. This is a lesson I've learned many times in many different areas of my life. This is the first time I've thought of it in relation to children.

You do your best and what you feel is right. Then you hope that at the end of the day the 4 and 2 year old remember the funny parts (me getting puked on) and forget the fact that I wasn't able to help them with their puzzles.

CM I admire your strength and your flexibility! I can't imagine being stretched as thin as you are and still smile as much as you do! You are a light to your little girls as well as the people around you! There is obviously a joy about raising three girls that I can't understand unless I have my own! Don't get me wrong, it's a joy to be around them now, but if I had to do it every day like you...I'd probably drink more!


Disclaimer: I'm probably gonna say a few things that people (mostly parents) will find offensive! Like the last comment in this blog. Please know that nothing is meant with ill intent! Well...unless I say it is somewhere in the post...

They're so cute!!

Every time I see a little bundle of joy my uterus skips a beat and I want one! Their tiny fingers and sweet faces make the perfect accessory to the family that has it all! Let's be real..."They're so cute!" is not a viable reason to have a child. Sadly, that's the only reason I can come up with right now!

Due to the recession there is currently a mini baby-boom happening in the United States. I'm assuming this is because sex is a free activity (most of the time) and contraception can be pricey. Not to mention the unemployment rate is at an all-time high, which means some people now have an excellent reason to be a stay-at-home parent!

If you're like me, looking at the recession statistics does not make me want to jump in the sack with my husband and bring a new life into this world. But that is exactly what is happening in other homes across the nation!

At age 25 after being married for 3 years, there is an expectation that we will start a family. NOW! I go back and forth with my desire to have a baby NOW and my desire to wait until we reach our pre-pregnancy goals. What are they?

1. Get our finances straightened out. I know what you're thinking, "You're never financially ready to have a baby." Straightening out our finances means living on a budget, paying off our credit card debt and having an emergency fund. For more on this kind of plan, go here.
2. Get my body into the shape of a 25 year old. My body doesn't feel 25 and before I use it to take care of another human I think it should be in better condition.
   
3. Go visit my friend in Germany. An international flight with an infant doesn't sound like a good time to me, even if it does to you!
4. Become a nationally certified interpreter. This probably should be listed first because it's the goal that will be completed first. It's a simple test and it's the last step in making myself more marketable in my field.
5. Finish our house. I hear that this is also a never ending process, but there are some pretty large projects we need to accomplish before I would feel safe and confident to have a little one roaming around here.

So those seem doable right? Well we'll see!

I can think of 11 people in my life right now with babies -7 months to 2 years old. Stay tuned as I watch everyone around me be or become parents while I learn and try to figure things out before we take the plunge!